For Your Pleasure

The Two of You - Should Try Something New

According to a study done by New York State University Social Psychologist Arthur Aron, “The key to a successful date night is novelty.” He took 53 couples, split them in to three groups and sent them out on a ten-week mission. Group One was told to take 90 minutes a week and do something together. What ever they wanted. Group Two was told to take 90 minutes a week and go out to dinner and a movie. Group Three was told to do activities they don’t usually do, like concerts, hiking, or dancing. After 10 weeks, Group Three was the only group to express higher levels of martial satisfaction. Even after 10 or more years of marriage, they had responses in the brain that suggest the same intense desire as early romance. What does this study prove? You need to try something new. I’m here to help.

We all know the end of summer is time when gardens and farms are lush and ready to reap. Take advantage of the season by taking your lover to the nearest berry-picking farm or greenmarket for some sunshine and nature. (If you are thinking, “My partner would never do that!” Then that’s all the more reason to go.) Leave your partner a sexy invite that includes, Cleopatra’s Secret VERY BERRY sensation cream or RASPBERRY FEELING Sweet Snow. As you pick your fruits, feed them fresh raspberries with your lips, let the juice run down your face, go home and bake a pie and clean up by taking a bath with EXOTIC FRUIT edible Bath & Shower Gel. It’s a date that is sure to deliver!

What’s in season in your area?

The G Spot is the Lock Ness Monster?

The BBC recently reported, “The mysterious G spot - supposedly a route to female sexual satisfaction - can be located with ultrasound, claim Italian scientists.”

Pointing out the fact that obviously the BBC has never had sex with me! Or the countless other women who have a responsive G Spot. Because if your G spot is responsive - it’s undeniable. It's no "mystery" and certainly not "supposed."

Once again we are on the same annoying G-Spot-Go-Round. The media loves to bring up the G spot issue and argue over IF it exists or not. Website hits and magazine sales go through the roof with every turn of this old story. They love to use it as a focus for why penetrative sex is the "right" way to have sex ~ as opposed to clitoral sensation, foreplay, sex toys, etc... They love to insist that EVERY woman should be able to orgasm from penetration. Just as they love to argue over what the wetness from a woman's body is during sex play... female glandular fluid (sometimes called “ejaculation”) or pee. About once every 5 or 10 years some researcher or media outlet will whip up this argument in order to get media attention.

This is is not breaking news. Everything they have to say about the G Spot has been documented in my book. Including how to find it and why some women do or do not respond to G spot sensation. I learned it from experiencing it in my body, hands on experience with other women and from the Federation of Feminist Women's Health Clinics. And they have been making this illustrated point for decades.

There are many female-bodied sex educators like myself who are tired of the argument. To be honest I could barely read the article. It took my friend Briana had to point out that at least the BBC article has a voice of reason. She directed me to the last two quotes in the article, from Dr. Petra Boynton, a sexual psychologist at University College London, who said that women who can't find their G-spot should not think of themselves as dysfunctional.

"If a woman spends all her time worrying about whether she is normal, or has a G spot or not, she will focus on just one area, and ignore everything else. It's telling people that there is a single, best way to have sex, which isn't the right thing to do."

Restoring some of my faith in the BBC. Perhaps someone over there has had sex after all?

Link to the BBC article. | G Spot DVD | Three good toys for finding your G Spot: 1 2 3

FACT: Masturbatory Progress

Scientific records show that in 1953 - 67% percent of women preferred masturbating by rubbing their vulva, 20% most enjoyed inserting fingers or some other object into their vagina, 11% stimulated the eternal opening of their urethra and 2% used rhythmic pressures with their thighs.

I have to wonder how those number would change now that women can freely buy sex toys on line, at home parties and in progressive women owned/operated sex toys business? And when will humans stop defining sex as penetration when clearly sex for the female body encompasses so much more than just their vaginal opening? Women have achieved great sexual progress but we still have a long way to go. How do we get there? By touching ourselves!

How deep is my love? Opps! I meant clitoris.

A beautiful little (3 minute) film by fine artist and body activist Betty Dodson. (via Susie Bright)

The Great Coochy Experiment!

Shaving? Waxing? Body hair. Ugh.

Women everywhere search for the best way to obtain silky smooth skin. Myself include. I have black hair and a milky white complexion. Every little wisp of a hair shows and if, god forbid, I get a shaving rash or ingrown hair – a blemish can take months to fade. So when I was given a bottle of Coochy After Shave Protection Mist at this year’s For Your Pleasure convention I was very curious. At the convention I got a chance to hear one of the women from the company who makes Coochy (love the name!) speak about how, because the product is created by women, they take special care in making sure the product is effective for women. For example the squirt top on the mister will spray from all angles. Including UPSIDE DOWN! Like when you need to spray your bikini line. Hello? Think about how simple but ground breaking that idea is. You could use this stuff on the moon!

But as many of you know, I'm a virtuous scientist at heart. And for this reason I insist on exploring any product or toy before I recommend it to you.

On August 1st I started THE GREAT COOCHY EXPERIMENT. Coochy is supposed to cut down on irritation, create a barrier between your cloths and freshly shaven skin and tighten pores. So on the first I waxed my bikini line and shaved my legs. Misted it on after I towel dried my skin. So far, so good. It does not feel like it’s heavy with chemicals. (I am insanely sensitive to chemical additives.) It did not tingle or burn.

I’ll use it all month and report back on my finding on August 31^st. Stay tuned!

Why do you have sex?

Some might say “Why not!?!” But two University of Texas psychologists, Dr. Buss and Dr. Meston, have put together the most comprehensive list yet. They have also brought the reasons of why down to four basic categories, including:

Physical: “The person had beautiful eyes” or “a desirable body,” or “was good kisser” or “too physically attractive to resist.” Or “I wanted to achieve an orgasm.”

Goal Attainment: “I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner” or “break up a rival’s relationship” or “make money” or “be popular.” Or “because of a bet.”

Emotional: “I wanted to communicate at a deeper level” or “lift my partner’s spirits” or “say ‘Thank you.’ ” Or just because “the person was intelligent.”

Insecurity: “I felt like it was my duty” or “I wanted to boost my self-esteem” or “It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.”

Article in New York Times | "Why Humans Have Sex." (PDF) Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss. Archives of Sexual Behavior, August, 2007.