For Your Pleasure

Understanding Back Door Anatomy :)

Mission to Re-Position

In a rut? That’s normal. By nature the human brain is designed to find the simplest and easiest way get things done. Once we find a position, time and technique that works – we tend to stick to it. But eventually we all get bored. But no worries, I have a cure!

Shake it up! Explore new positions. Keep in mind that any really good position has got to comfortable for your bodies, so you can maintain it. Look at the furniture in your home. Lean over the soft armrest of your over-stuffed love seat. A carpeted staircase can help eliminate any height differences that may get in your way. Keep a pile of pillows to tuck under knees, her belly or his back. Look around your home and you will find a wealth of possibilities and loads of soft spots where you can catch your partner by surprise! Stash lube and other sex supplies in your get-it-on locations. And for extra fun, don’t tell your partner about your new mission to re-position! Spontaneity is an absolute aphrodisiac. Leave ‘em wondering, “Who is this spontaneous, creative sexual beauty!?!”

For more creative ideas check out my Ancient Chinese Sexual Positions Card Deck (let your lover pick a card!), 101 Advanced Sex Positions For Lovers DVD (watch it together!) or stock your library with the Complete Manual of Sexual Positions for easy reference.

ASK DUCKY: What is a cock ring & how do you use one?

I deliver insight into male pleasure anatomy, male sexual response and related sex toys - including COCK RINGS! I love 'em and think the whole world should know how simple and fun they are.

The toys you see in the video include: Man Strength Pleasure Ring | Humm Ding | Humm Dinger Double Dinger | Ring of Xtasy | Diving Dolphin

How To Introduce Toys to Your Partner

Inviting new ideas into your sex play can be hard. If you have never had a toy or used one with a partner, can be especially intimidating. You might be asking yourself, “How do I get my guy to use toys in bed?” or “How can I introduce my partner to toys without making them feel insecure?” You are intrigued by the idea, yet the idea is still overwhelming.

As a sex educator I hear this question over and over again. Part of me wants you to get your partner on the phone right now so I can break the news for you. “Hey! Brooke likes this purple G spotter. It’s totally cute and can teach both of you new things about her sexual response. So don’t be freaked out! She’s not going to stick it in your butt or anything. At least not tonight. And it’s never going to replace you. Cuz it doesn't have a heart beat, write love letters or do her laundry like you do! So don’t flip when she brings it home, k?”

But in reality I know this is your obstacle to hurdle. It’s a test of your ability to grow beyond what is currently comfortable for you and your partner. It’s an opportunity to expand in your relationship. And we all know we are not just talking about sex either. Growth is a part of every healthy relationship and it comes with sex, money, and emotions… If you can learn to talk about sex and desire with your partner, you can talk about anything!

I also know that the possibility of being able to bring toys into your sex play is only as strong as your relationship. Inviting new ideas into the bedroom means that both partners are open to growing together. If your relationship is not entirely healthy (which is not an uncommon thing) then sex toys in your partner play may not be a luxury you can afford have right now. For this reason it’s always good to remember that, if your partner is completely turned off by the idea of toys to your bedroom, you can always enjoy them alone!

So what do I recommend for someone who fears surprising their partner with a big, green, suction-cup dong? (I know - some of us like those outer space dongs! But stay with me here.) Start with simple self-care products that you can explore together and slowly ramp up to more risqué items. These are great starter item: 

Create A Date

52 super fun ways to spend your time together. A perfect way to carve out more time for just the two of you without all the distractions of day to day life. $9.50 (link)

Shunga Sweet Snow

This edible body powder is made from real honey! Before your date, dust yourself. At any point when you are feeling flirty, ask your partner to lick you. You are delicious. And honey flavored. (Other flavors are also available.) Comes with a lovely feather body duster for application. $24 (link)

Pulsabath Vibrating Bath Sponge

Not only is it a great sponge but the vibration is very good for your skin and it can be used anywhere on your body! You just draw a bubble bath and use it to scrub each other’s back and shoulders. Working your way up (or down – if you will!) to sexier things. Of course it’s waterproof. $16 (link)

Deluxe Massage Mitt

I fell in love with this mitt when I saw a demonstration by the manufacturer. They explained how most of the mits on the market are too small for the average man’s hand. What does that say about our world? This mitt will fit any hand. A different texture on each side makes giving a massage so much easier and inspires that much more sensual generosity in your life. $15 (link)

Hot Massager

I was skeptical when I first saw it, but this massager warms and creates the kind of deeply relaxing sensations one would get from a hot stone massage. Feels amazing and again delivers a sensual massage with low impact on the giver. Your partner will be putty in your hands! $16 (link)

The Caress Me Candles

Candles create a sexy ambiance but these candles are special! They melt at a very low temperature. The warm oil that pools around the flame is actually a very lush and sensuous massage oil! Made with natural ingredients and 100% cotton wicks. $16 (link)

For the Young Peeps in Your Life....

There are a lot of conversations we need to have with the young people in our lives... one that sometimes gets past us is truth about partner violence. Signs that sometimes look like acts of love to a young person can quickly swirl into acts of control and abuse. At a time when our teens are already seeking to find independence and isolating themselves from family - this can be a recipe for disaster. It's important that we let the young people in our lives know that they are safe coming to you if they find themselves in trouble.

THE FACTS:

One in five teens in a relationship report they have been hit, slapped, or pushed by their partners.

One in three teens say they’ve been stalked by an abusive partner on his or her cell phone — receiving text messages 10, 20, or 30 times an hour asking where they are and what they’re doing.

Here's a great tip sheet to help young people understand the signs of abuse.

ASK DUCKY: Can I use the video on the main site?

I really love this new awesome website. Adding videos for recruiting and hosting parties on our websites would be so COOL. Can we do that? Thanks, Lara

Hi Lara. Based on your request I added the FYP on TV video to YouTube. Click here to access it. Now you can embed it onto your website, blogs, myspace or any other page you use to promote your For Your Pleasure business. Just follow this link to get the embedding codes. xoxo - Ducky

P.S. Here's what it look like...

QUICK TIP: Stronger Orgasms

No matter what your gender may be, the definition of an orgasm is a series of muscular contractions. The stronger your pelvic muscles are, the bigger your orgasm will be. It's that simple. The most fun way to build your pelvic muscles is to flex them during partner or solo play. Any flexing you can do just adds to your orgasmic response. Breathe deep and develop a rhythm of flexing and breathing. If you want to really boost your orgasmic possibilities, get in the habit of exercising your muscles everyday. These exercises can be annoying and frustrating when you first start but don’t let that stop you. The more you work these muscles the easier it becomes.

Women use these simple steps:

1. Go to the bathroom and let all of the pee out of your body.

2. Squeeze your pelvic muscles 10 times. (The same muscles you would use to stop the flow of pee. Try to isolate just that muscle.)

3. Do three sets of 10 flexes. For a total of 30 flexes.

4. Be sure to breath deeply. (Just like you would when lifting weights or doing yoga.)

5. Do this three times a day or every time you go pee.

Men use these simple steps:

1. Get an erection.

2. Stand sideways in front of the mirror and bounce your erection up and down. Doing this move may look funny to you at first but it’s really a fun and healthy thing to do.

3. Do 10 repetitions. And repeat three times. For a total of 30 flexes.

4. Be sure to breath.

5. Once you isolate the muscles you use to do this action you can also flex these muscles while in a relaxed (non-erect) state.

5. If you are looking to kick it up a notch, take a wet washcloth and drape it over your erection. This way you are weight lifting with your cock. Cool!

UTI Fact Sheet

UTI stands for Urinary Tract Infection. The urinary tract includes the urethra, bladder, the ureter tubes that connect the bladder to the kidneys and the kidneys. Almost every woman will have one at some point in her life. People of other genders get them too. A UTI is usually caused by bacteria but can sometimes be caused by increased sexual activity, sexually transmitted infections (STDs), low immune system, poor diet, stress, birth defects, or surgery. Pregnant women (due to pelvic pressure) and postmenopausal women (due to hormonal changes) may be more susceptible to UTIs.

Prevention

• Wear cotton underwear.

• Wear loose clothing rather than tight jeans or pantyhose.

• Take showers rather than baths.

• Always wipe front to back after you go to the bathroom to avoid getting bacteria from your rectum into your urethra.

• Be patient when you go to the bathroom and give yourself a chance to completely empty your bladder.

• Have foreplay in the shower, taking time to wash away any bacteria that may be on your or your partner’s hands and body. Make it a fun part of your sex play.

• Pee after sex play to flush any possible bacteria out of your urethral opening.

• Keep your genital area clean. Wash thoroughly with water. Avoid harsh soaps, glycerin soaps and douches. I recommend that if you want to use soap, use Celaphil liquid. It is available at any pharmacy.

• Avoid scented sprays and scented panty liners, pads or tampons.

• Avoid dyed toilet paper. Use only white toilet paper.

• Drink pure cranberry juice. Avoid “juice drinks” with corn syrup and other sweeteners. Try to find pure juice, sweetened only with apple juice. Cranberries contain a tannin called proanthocyanidin, which inhibits bacteria from sticking to the bladder walls.

• Take a daily 400-milligram cranberry-extract tablet. Available at health food stores.

• Avoid spermicide. Spermicide is sometimes found on condoms or used in conjunction with diaphragms. Spermicide alters the healthy vaginal bacterial flora and can leave you more vulnerable to infections.

• Consult an herbalist to find the proper teas and herbs that make work for your body.

• Get plenty of sleep and take measures to reduce stress in your life.

• Limit sugar, starches, caffeine and alcohol.

Signs of an Infection May Include:

Painful urination, frequent urination, trouble passing urine, cloudy urine, fever/chills, blood in urine and/or body aches.

Treatment

See your doctor. Follow their treatment plan. Fever, chills, blood in your urine or pain in your kidneys (your back, below your rib cage) can be signs of an advanced infection and may require more urgent care. As always, drink plenty of liquids. Follow all of the tips for prevention listed above.

Resources: Cabrini Medical Center, Health Magazine, Our Bodies, Ourselves by The Boston Women’s Health Book Collective

ASK DUCKY: Inspire him to try new things?

How can I get my partner to come out of his sexual shell without making him feel inadequate? Although I love my partner, I find our sex life to be somewhat uninspired. I've tried showing and telling him what I’d like, offering to take a workshop together, watching videos (how to's and porns), and reading books together (including yours!). Every suggestion is met with resistance, he either thinks it's weird or he's just plain not into it. Do you have any other suggestions?

Finding balance in our relationship can be incredibly difficult. You sound like a very healthy woman and you have taken all the right steps in your efforts to merge your desires – communicating and seeking out inspiration in positive resources like workshops, books and videos. Good job! Don’t give up.

Start by taking the heat off of him a bit. The number one cause of low sex drive is stress and fatigue. Finding ways to live a more stress free life is a major sexual boost. Be sure he gets enough sleep. Try to find ways to spend less so the two of you can afford to work less.

I know these don’t sound like sexy ideas but here’s the deal, many people define sex as “penetration” or something that happens when you are hands-on and in the nude. But these are only sex acts. Sex is really a way of living your life. It’s about connecting with your partner in simple everyday ways – like actively listening to them, eating food together, flirting, affectionate touches with no sexual obligations and simply sharing time together. Rather than pushing more obvious sexual cues on him (videos, books…) I want you to find more ways to connect sex with your life style as a whole.

Help him become more connected with his body by doing activities together that encourage him to become more conscious in his body – like walking, biking, yoga or some other activities the two of you enjoy. Late one night drag him out to the back yard or rooftop to stretch out on your backs, watch the stars and breath. No pressure for sex. Draw him a bath, light a candle, turn out the lights and leave him there to soak and feel the warmth of your sensual generosity. Send him flirty text messages while at work. Kiss him. Hold his arm or hand. Cook food and eat it together at your table. In a healthy relationship, these are all acts that reinforce our sexual connection.

You may find that redefining sex and taking some of the pressure off of him – he will find room to grow at his own pace. If he is still struggling he may have a very low sex drive that is caused by a physical issue. You might suggest he see a sex positive medical doctor. (How to find a sex positive doctor.) Try not to be an alarmist or scare him when you make the suggestion - just let him know that you read an article about sex drive and it has you thinking about his body and how his sex drive seems low to you.  He may currently be taking a medication that inhibits his sex drive; he may have a hormonal imbalance or a cardio vascular issue that inhibits blood flow. Offer to get with him or let him go alone. Do whatever makes him feel most comfortable.

Beyond that he may have a past experience that inhibits him from being able to express him self sexually. For example he may have been brought up in a family that has religious or cultural ideas about sex that do not chime with your upbringing. He may have been embarrassed or humiliated at a young age over something related to sex or his body. It is impossible for me to speculate but if he continues to struggle and the other suggestions I have given do not help – perhaps seeing a relationship therapist might.

The sad truth is that we cannot change a person; we can only offer our love, support and suggestions. It’s up to them. For this reason it is also important for you to stay connected with your own beauty and sex drive. Wear sexy lingerie for yourself. Find yourself some sex toys that you can enjoy. Give yourself some sensual generosity as well. A good partner will sometimes come with obstacles. The best way we can care for them is to care for ourselves.

ASK DUCKY: What are ben-wa balls?

In This video I am showing these Ben-Wa Balls. I also mention Duo Tone Balls, Duo Balls and Smart Balls. You also frequently see these kinds of balls packaged with sets like this one.