Inviting new ideas into your sex play can be hard. If you have never had a toy or used one with a partner, can be especially intimidating. You might be asking yourself, “How do I get my guy to use toys in bed?” or “How can I introduce my partner to toys without making them feel insecure?” You are intrigued by the idea, yet the idea is still overwhelming.
As a sex educator I hear this question over and over again. Part of me wants you to get your partner on the phone right now so I can break the news for you. “Hey! Brooke likes this purple G spotter. It’s totally cute and can teach both of you new things about her sexual response. So don’t be freaked out! She’s not going to stick it in your butt or anything. At least not tonight. And it’s never going to replace you. Cuz it doesn't have a heart beat, write love letters or do her laundry like you do! So don’t flip when she brings it home, k?”
But in reality I know this is your obstacle to hurdle. It’s a test of your ability to grow beyond what is currently comfortable for you and your partner. It’s an opportunity to expand in your relationship. And we all know we are not just talking about sex either. Growth is a part of every healthy relationship and it comes with sex, money, and emotions… If you can learn to talk about sex and desire with your partner, you can talk about anything!
I also know that the possibility of being able to bring toys into your sex play is only as strong as your relationship. Inviting new ideas into the bedroom means that both partners are open to growing together. If your relationship is not entirely healthy (which is not an uncommon thing) then sex toys in your partner play may not be a luxury you can afford have right now. For this reason it’s always good to remember that, if your partner is completely turned off by the idea of toys to your bedroom, you can always enjoy them alone!
So what do I recommend for someone who fears surprising their partner with a big, green, suction-cup dong? (I know - some of us like those outer space dongs! But stay with me here.) Start with simple self-care products that you can explore together and slowly ramp up to more risqué items. These are great starter item:
Create A Date
52 super fun ways to spend your time together. A perfect way to carve out more time for just the two of you without all the distractions of day to day life. $9.50 (link)
Shunga Sweet Snow
This edible body powder is made from real honey! Before your date, dust yourself. At any point when you are feeling flirty, ask your partner to lick you. You are delicious. And honey flavored. (Other flavors are also available.) Comes with a lovely feather body duster for application. $24 (link)
Pulsabath Vibrating Bath Sponge
Not only is it a great sponge but the vibration is very good for your skin and it can be used anywhere on your body! You just draw a bubble bath and use it to scrub each other’s back and shoulders. Working your way up (or down – if you will!) to sexier things. Of course it’s waterproof. $16 (link)
Deluxe Massage Mitt
I fell in love with this mitt when I saw a demonstration by the manufacturer. They explained how most of the mits on the market are too small for the average man’s hand. What does that say about our world? This mitt will fit any hand. A different texture on each side makes giving a massage so much easier and inspires that much more sensual
generosity in your life. $15 (link)
Hot Massager
I was skeptical when I first saw it, but this massager warms and creates the kind of deeply relaxing sensations one would get from a hot stone massage. Feels amazing and again delivers a sensual massage with low impact on the giver. Your partner will be putty in your hands! $16 (link)
The Caress Me Candles
Candles create a sexy ambiance but these candles are special! They melt at a very low temperature. The warm oil that pools around the flame is actually a very lush and sensuous massage oil! Made with natural ingredients and 100% cotton wicks. $16 (link)
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