ASK DUCKY: Bring her to orgasm?

What is the best way for me to bring my lady to orgasm? – Brian

I love you! Actually I love any man who is thoughtful enough to ask this question.

The first thing I want you to do is slow your roll. Just slow everything down. Because the bulk of a woman’s erectile tissue is inside her body and not easy to manually stimulate - it takes longer for her (compared to her male partner) to become fully sexually excited. Her mind may be ready, but her body needs more stimulation. The average woman requires about 20 minutes of stimulation before her erectile tissue is fully engorged. Couples will almost always jump into intercourse before her body is really ready for that kind of play and in turn making it difficult for her to reach orgasm before her male partner.

You want to tease and flirt until she is just about begging for more. Try adding more kissing, heavy petting, stimulating her through her clothing, and adding more hands, mouth and toys into your play. Using a vibrating toy on her clit, vulva and perineum will deliver deep tissue stimulation and will definitely speed up this process. And use lube so that her inner and outer skin can stand up to the extended play.

Encourage your lover to touch herself. Some woman feel very shy about this so it may help if you let her know it’s cool with you. If she does choose to touch herself during sex play, watch what she is doing - and steal her moves. She's teaching you what works for her.

Throughout all of your sex play, tune in to the subtleties of her body. Let her breathing patterns, hip movements and pelvic muscular response guide you. Ask her yes/no questions like, "Does this feel good?" to find out if your moving in the right direction.

I wish there was one simple answer I could give you but the truth is that the only woman who really knows how to get her off - is her. The best thing you can do is find a way, that is comfortable for both of you, to help her express what she likes.

Read Chapter 13 of Sex with the Lights On for more inspiration.

Comments

[dorothy_parka]

Someone needs to make a "slow your roll" button. Maybe if it's on a button, they'll learn!

[Ducky]

Hmmm.... I think you're on to something there!